Today, just some humour

In today’s message:

• Today, just some humour…

Today, just some humour…

Our last message announced lower lease rates. That was big enough news to last for a while, so today let’s just have a few laughs with Larry The Cable Guy:

I’m on that diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That’s a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver’s license.

Ever drive down the highway and a policeman gets up behind you? Then everybody goes two by two behind him. He’s like the interstate pace car. Then he gets off at the exit and we’re back to green flag racing!

One year my dad bought my mom a mood ring. Them things work pretty good. When she was in a good mood it was blue and when she was in a bad mood it mad a red mark upside my dad’s head.

I was living with a girl for eight months, until she found out I was there…

I was seeing this girl for about six weeks, until someone took my binoculars…

I’m married now, so I don’t date much any more.

This guy goes to his doctor one day and the doctor says, “I have bad news, and worse news.” He says, “What’s the bad news?” The doctor says, “You got 24 hours to live.” He says, “What’s the worse news?” Doctor says, “I forgot to call you yesterday.”

I used to be a lifeguard until some blue kid got me fired.

What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

My brother’s home got foreclosed on, so they made him drive it back to the lot.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.